Funeral Etiquette

Always a difficult topic to discuss, funeral etiquette should be of the utmost importance to those attending a funeral. After a friend or family member has suffered loss, the last thing anyone would want is to cause said person more distress, or potentially even embarrass themselves by acting as a distraction. Here are some etiquette tips surrounding what to do, and what not to do when attending a funeral.

 

Attire

Despite what many may think, black is not necessarily the recommended colour for all funerals. In fact, the choice of attire is largely influenced by any religious or cultural beliefs and traditions. Dark muted colours like black are typically chosen for Christian proceedings, however, formality is the more important factor. Casual wear including sneakers, jeans and t-shirts are frowned upon. In some instances families advise to wear vibrant colours as a celebratory gesture, but this would only be recommended if instructed to do so.

At a Muslim funeral, relatives of the deceased also opt for black, although a woman would be expected to wear a veil or scarf. Jewish funerals would typically require men, or everyone in attendance to wear head coverings, depending on the specific division of Judaism. Hindus usually wear white if they are close or related to the deceased, and occasionally coloured clothing. Black would be considered as an offensive choice. Sometimes men will shave their heads in respect of the deceased. Lastly, Buddhist families opt for white, and friends wear black.

 

Entering the Service

Although this is generally dictated by traditions and religious or cultural practices, those attending a church funeral normally enter before the coffin is brought in and the immediate family enters thereafter. Of course, arriving earlier is a gesture that is generally well received, particularly if you are taking part in the service.

Seats in the front rows are usually reserved for the immediate family, although people should try sit as close together so as to not isolate the family. Upon the entry of the coffin, guests should rise as a sign of respect. For a crematorium service, the coffin normally enters first, followed by the main mourners, and then the guests. In any instance, kids should be reminded beforehand about not being disruptive.

 

When the Service Finishes

Once a church funeral service has finished, all in attendance will rise as a sign of respect. Thereafter, pallbearers would carry the coffin out of the church, led by the chief mourners. If the deceased is being buried, the coffin will be transported to the cemetery where the minister will perform a final speech as the coffin is laid to rest. If the coffin is remaining in a crematorium chapel for cremation, guests often have a chance to view the deceased and pay their last respects. In either case, there may be a wake after the proceedings where refreshments are available for all guests.

 

Speaking with the Chief Mourners

Offering your condolences with the grieving family either before, throughout the service or thereafter is recommended. Talk about the sadness you feel from their passing and what positive qualities you will remember about them. In terms of what not to say, avoid making sense of the individual’s death, trivialising or putting a positive spin on it, comparing the mourners’ pain to an experience of your own, or that you understand how they feel.

 

Other Considerations

Make sure you have turned off your phone before the service, and generally speaking, try avoid looking at it altogether from the moment you are in the presence of others attending the funeral. Be modest when it comes to indulging in any food or refreshments. If you would like to attend the chapel of rest, unless you are an immediate family member or close friend, always ask the family if you may do so. Bringing gifts or flowers is a nice gesture, albeit be sure to respect the wishes of the family who may have particular requests. Last but not least, make sure you sign the register and leave a short note.

 

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