Discussing the matter of death and funerals with family or other significant people in our lives is not a comfortable topic. In fact, many people are afraid of death itself, so the issue is often akin to a taboo conversation that is deemed ‘out of bounds’. As a result, a significant number of people fail to leave behind instructions to their loved ones about their final wishes, not just their estate.
However, what we might be afraid or discouraged to speak about now, is something that could make things overwhelmingly less complicated later in the future. What’s more, if we’re drawing a distinction here, taking the initiative regarding one’s own funeral and wishes is an important level of ownership which alleviates the burden on those we love. So, if we have the tendency to shy away from speaking about our final wishes, what’s the appropriate strategy to initiate the conversation?
First things first, you’ll want to discuss the matter in an informal and quiet environment with those who are directly involved with the issue. Because of the nature of the conversation, you may wish to provide a heads up to those invited about what will be discussed. By doing this, you mitigate the possibility of discomfort among attendees.
Attendees will include your loved ones, although it may also include people with legal responsibility over your estate, or whom provide afterlife care. The earlier this conversation takes place, before any ill health sets in, the better prepared your loved ones will be to follow through accordingly. You may like to encourage any questions or concerns among loved ones who you share your wishes with, as it is not uncommon for families to later feud over disputed facts as they interpret things differently, or express their own desires. At the conclusion of the meeting, provide each loved one a written copy of your final wishes.
Sometimes those who document their last wishes do so through their will or last testament. While this is a ‘neat’ and well documented manner to disclose such information, it may be overlooked due to the fact that such documents often take time to be retrieved. In the meantime, loved ones are likely to proceed with a funeral, meaning they have made the decisions by their own accord.
Therefore, to ensure you do not run into this difficulty, it’s always wise to detail your final wishes in a separate document for distribution as noted above. Some of the information you will want to write into this document includes your preference for a burial or cremation, as well as the location where your body will either be buried, or where your ashes will be stored or scattered. Another matter you should make clear to loved ones concerns the preference for a funeral and/or memorial service, with more specific details something you could opt to provide to help with the selection of flowers, music, pallbearers, an urn or casket, and more.
Finally, be sure to make backup copies and notify loved ones where these instructions may be found. These papers should be in addition to your important life documents like funeral insurance, prepaid funeral expenses, and a will.
