Despite the unwavering love we have for our family and close friends, many often find it hard to express this emotion. Whether it’s through words, or in writing, communicating our feelings is not always an easy thing. With the passing of a loved one, this tragic moment may be compounded even more when having difficulty expressing one’s feelings into an obituary and eulogy about the deceased.
First however, it’s important to understand the differences between an obituary and a eulogy. Although one of the underlying purposes of each is to help firm a lasting legacy about the deceased person, their delivery is vastly different. Whereas an obituary is in the form of a notice or announcement usually published in newspapers about the person’s death, a eulogy is the speech performed at a funeral service to remember the individual.
Obituaries
When writing an obituary, keep in mind that not only are you notifying members of the public about funeral proceedings, you are summarising the deceased person’s life. This will include basic details about where they lived and what they did, important dates in their life, any major achievements or contributions they may have paid to society, and what they may have been passionate about.
You’ll find that each publication has different guidelines, not to mention costs, when submitting obituaries. With that said, if you’ve already engaged a funeral service provider, you may notice that they have included costs associated with the publication of an obituary. Therefore, they’ll be able to help you in terms of any specific recommendations or procedures that need to be followed, and will submit the obituary on your behalf. If a funeral provider has not included this service, you will need to follow up with the relevant publication yourself.
Despite the sadness of the occasion, your writing should still be in a somewhat upbeat mood. It helps to create a positive image by writing with emotion about the deceased person. It’s common to include any surviving family members, and even pets who may be left behind after the person’s death. When notifying about the funeral proceedings, make sure you include all the necessary details about the service. This includes the main points like the location, treatment of any donations or contributions, and whether the service is open to the public.
Eulogies
The most memorable eulogies are those which are well thought out, and provide a synopsis of the deceased person’s life in a positive manner. Rather than just a grieving exercise, eulogies should reflect the emotions you’ve felt for the person throughout the course of their life – not just the sorrow from their death. In some respects, it’s even more expressive to use the opportunity to celebrate their life, and also briefly mention some humorous moments which will help those in attendance to smile fondly or laugh.
Mindful of the emotions you wish to express for the deceased, set about establishing the tone of your eulogy before you start to write it. As with many things, a balanced approach is a good way to meaningfully engage with those in attendance. From there, you may want to work with a timeline of events or memories about the person, as well as what they cared about most.
To complete this, it’s beneficial to seek input from others who were close to the deceased. They may have memories or photos which they would like to contribute, or perhaps which were never known by others.
Once you’ve structured the speech into a logical sequence of events or memories, you should practice it several times. Many people have a fear of public speaking and feel incredibly anxious or uncomfortable – unwelcome emotions at a time when one is already numb. Practice in front of loved ones, and ask for feedback about the content of the speech. Just remember, when the service arrives, people won’t be judging you for your public speaking abilities, but will remember the person from the facts, stories and emotions you portray. Accordingly, take pride in the fact that you’ve been nominated to deliver the eulogy.
